Being told I have Sex and Love addiction

I went into the hospital in November of 2010 because of severe depression. I went to a hospital I had been to as a teen. While talking to my doctor, she asked about where I had been living, and then asked about my sexual life. I had told her about how many guys I had been with, and how I didn’t seem to have much control over my sexual exploits. I seemed to only know how to express myself sexually, and always felt obligated to perform sexually. I told her how I had lost my virginity at the age of thirteen to someone who was 18, and that it hadn’t exactly been in my control. She asked if I saw the problem in having so many sexual partners. I told her that I did, and didn’t know how to stop. That’s when the doctor told me about sex and love addiction. I learned that it was as severe an addiction as substance abuse. That just texting someone that I knew I shouldn’t be texting was similar to a hit of drugs. She asked if I had a reserve list. I knew exactly what she meant before she explained herself. I had quite a few people on reserve. I needed the attention of someone telling me how much they liked me, or how good I was in bed. I was ashamed of myself. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone, and that there were ways to help fix it. I joined Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and attended meetings. I was honest with my therapist for the first time ever. Once I knew that I could over come this, I did what I could to help fix it. That isn’t to say that I was cured that fast. I wound up getting into a career where I was paid for sexual activity. It was the easiest way I had ever made money. It was something I could do that I knew I was good at. In my past relationship, I had cheated on my ex with over ten people, having sex with other people over sixty times. I couldn’t help myself. It was even while we were living together, with someone who was living with us! I still struggle from time to time, but have a better handle on things. I will go into more detail in my next posts.

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